Thursday, January 04, 2007

My Predictions for 2007

I don't normally do this, but it's customary these days to make predictions for the new year. So here goes:

  • There will be violence in the Middle East.

  • 2007 will be the hottest year on record, surpassing the previous record set in 2005, which itself surpassed the previous record set in 1998. "Climate contrarians" will point to what happened between August and December and insist that we are in a cooling trend.

  • Will Smith will star in a movie in which he uses the phrase "yo dog" at least 3 times.

  • Pat Robertson will make an ass out of himself by claiming that God spoke to him and informed him about some terrible catastrophe that ends up not happening. (Okay, I cheated somewhat -- the first part already came true.)

  • More of everything, everywhere. Less of nothing.

  • The Clemson Tigers will have an initially promising football team yet manage to lose two or three games that they should have won due to stupidity, resulting in a mediocre season.

  • The Discovery Institute or one of its close allies will claim that they've somehow been terribly wronged and persecuted by "dogmatic Darwinists", yet upon close scrutiny it will turn out that they've grossly distorted the facts and their complaint is entirely frivolous.

  • Gary Coleman will announce his candidacy for President of the United States. Not one person will notice.

  • The average American will continue to grow fatter. Sadly, this will no longer be correlated with increased jolliness.

  • George W. Bush will widely be recognized as one of America's greatest ever presidents, with clear vision, intellect, and strength to lead us through some of the most trying times in our history. At least according to Hugh Hewitt.

  • I will win. What exactly it is I'm going to win isn't clear, but I'm definitely going to win it.